How do you know when you are bending too much?
A friend asked me this question and I don't think there's a clear answer. In some instances the answer is obvious (You're bending too much if you're getting Rihanna'd), but sometimes there's a real need to compromise.
So here's my friend's situation. In summary, she has been dating a guy for a few years. Initially, they were semi long distance- less than 3 hrs apart. It was nothing for either of them to hop in the car to see each other. Well, about a year or so ago, he got offered a job in a new city. At the time, she was unhappy with the hick town she lived in and hated her job. When he suggested she move and even helped her to look for and secure a job, she jumped at the opportunity. Ok, maybe she didn't 'jump' but it made total sense to her. She did want to give their relationship the chance to grow and it's not like she was happy with her current situation.
Fast forward about a year. They are still together. Things are going great. However, the economy sucks. Anyone can become a casualty at any time. His job outlook is a little shady, and he may have a better opportunity on the horizon. However, it's in another city. Of course, if he gets the job, he'll be quick to take it. This presents a problem for her. She likes the city, doesn't mind her job, but loves being close to him even more. So now here's the dilemma: Does she up and move again to be closer to him? She knows that the distance will put a strain on their relationship as they've grown accustomed to being together in the same city. She doesn't want to keep moving for him, but doesn't want to risk their relationship. She makes it clear to him that she is not going anywhere without a committment. (i.e., a ring) They've talked about marriage, but she doesn't see a ring in her near future. Again, he's trying to help her find a job in the potential new city.
So what should she do? Should she continue to let him lead with hopes that they'll end in wedded bliss? Does she stay and run the risk of becoming unhappy and losing him? At what point do you stop bending? What is too much to give up for the 'possibility' of a future, cause be clear, nothing is guaranteed these days?
Thoughts?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
oh gosh... this is a tough situation...
no matter what she does, she's going to lose something.
there are a couple questions tho... does she have a life in her current city? like with friends and things? is she just working at a job or is she working in her career?
i doubt i would move unless there was a ring up on my finger. i'm not even the type to pressure for marriage but with the level of commitment she's showing, i would need something in return.
dang... this is such a hard decision!
As the subject of this entry....
I dont really have a life in the current city, nothing that would really affect my decision. and i have a job. i could probably easily score another. but i'm still confused....
If its someone I am cool with I say stay with your guy and try to work it out. Now if its my lil sister or relative I tell her she can't keep chasing dude around. Unless she really believe there is a chance of a future.
Anonymous @ 4:38pm..I'm not sure I understand your comment. So do you mean 'cool' as in a random person or a friend? I don't really get why there would be a difference in the advice you'd give.
I believe unless there is a higher level of commitment (ie. a ring) I would stay put. I believe you have already bended some by just moving in the first place. What about him...what has he done to show you to he's willing to bend?
Post a Comment