Lions and Tigers and Bears

To many, I come off as having a somewhat hard exterior or seemingly nonchalant. But on the contrary, I think I'm a very emotional person. I'm just not big on wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I also don't let the 'little' things affect me the way they affect others. This does not make me a dude. (Lol) I will admit, I have walls. They are a bit hard to break down, but when they are down, they're down. I'm not exactly sure about the reason for the walls or nonchalantness, but I have a hunch.

I think underneath the hard exterior, I'm really just scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what could happen if I let the walls just come tumbling down. Scared that I won't have a plan for that. Scared I won't be able to take control over the situation.

Recently HR finally said the words that I told myself I didn't need to hear. At first I questioned from whence they came, but since I've embraced it because his actions all along have been in line with it and he is doing everything in his power to prove himself to me. I can't knock the hustle. So now that I got what I realize I've been wanting, I'm scared. Scared of being all in. I'm scared of what could happen if things don't work out. Scared of wasting time.

I know better though. I shouldn't be scared of the what ifs. At the end of the day, whatever happens happens. At least if things don't work out, I can say I tried. If nothing else, I'll let it be a 'lesson learned'. I know that He has not given us a spirit of fear, so I need to just let it ride and pray for guidance.