Most young women I know are looking for the husband, 2.5 kids, the mini mansion and the weighted down ring finger. The problem is none of us know how to get there. I dont have all the answers, but I do feel like there are ways to significantly cut your chances. My personal favorite is sex at first sight.What do you think? How important is giving up the cookie too soon?
How do I feel about sex on the first date?....Great if you are secure with yourself and know what you are looking for. But if you are looking for more than a wild night why not portray yourself as such up front? Men are simple. So if you present yourself as a "Sports Fish" per Steve Harvey, it makes it very difficult for him to view you in any other light. Why doesn't it dawn on us that he may think you do this all the time. Been all up and down the block.
True or not first impressions do what they do. As opposed to building some sort of connection before getting physical. I'm not saying start using the three month rule or anything, I'm just saying let the beat build. So the calling, the texting, picking you up, being seen with you in all your fabulousness just makes him want you even more, at that point the cookie is a bonus. And hopefully over dinner, or while watching a movie, you share a moment and all of a sudden you're wifey material and he's hooked. Because then he has it all, a girl he can take home to mama, and she got that good good too.....it's a wrap.
Now there are those few situations when a JO can last longer than a few months. But why chance it? The odds are against you.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Pumped and Dumped?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I have been trying to get one of my friends, who is a loyal reader and happens to be one of my fav people to talk to about relationships because she keeps it real, to 'guest blog' for me. She finally obliged! How happy I was to receive an email from her with this entry. Enjoy!
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6 comments:
What ever happened to waiting for marriage? Why isn't that the standard anymore?
"Ghostwriter" has good points. You reap what you sow. Can't turn a ho into a housewife. If I got it that easy, who else has? <-- Immediate depreciation.
Playing Devil's advocate here...(which I shouldn't be doing, but whatever). You ask what happened to waiting for marriage? For about 97% of the population, that went out the window a long time ago. I think that was more common in the bible days when it didn't take folk 5+ years to get marriage. When people didn't have to have 'everything in order' before settling down. When women didn't have to get on their grind to help keep the bills paid. We grew up in the generation of entitlement, folk feel they are entitled to get the cookie before they buy. It's still commendable to wait, but you may get a blank stare here and there.
The major issue is lack of self worth among women (Another post entirely). There are so many women ready, willing and able that now men dont even hesitate to try you. Big deal if you dont, the girl next door will. Society even has us thinking that calling ourselves independant gives us a hall pass to sleep around.
Interesting that you mention 'order' in your response. I don't think abstinence was common then either, hence the story of Adam and Eve, Sodom and Gomorrah, etc.
What's crazy is that we see the fruit of our actions (broken homes, jail, disease, confusion, unwanted children, etc) but we continue to defend and accept the trends as the norm.
Sounds like conforming to what society (or 97% of the population) says, to me..
Sigh! Looks like you're fighting the Lunchmeat craze here too. lol. Oh, that good Hilshire Farms! lol....Being a vegetarian is hard, but it is doable. I've found it helps to shift a few priorities and focus less on Bible times and what 'they did' but rather focus on today's times. The Bible is there to teach lessons for us to apply today. B.Staten has a point, we surely are reaping what is being sown....
well, i think that everything is relative... especially on this topic. my ex-husband and i had sex on the first date and i was still wifey material to him. of course there have also been other times where i waited and developed some kind of connection in vain because the sex was lame once i finally got it.
so do i think it's bad to give it up too soon? i mean, what does too soon even mean anymore! i don't want to make this investment of talking and texting and dating only to find out it was a waste of time because he has a slim jim to work with... i'll pass on that!
i say do u what you feel is right at the right time for u... if it doesn't work out, that's God's way of saving you from heartache.
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