*not me, just a generic couple from the web...lol*
Often in relationships and in life, people are quick to point out flaws in others. More often than not, these flaws are identified during heated arguments or after one has reached their boiling point. Sometimes these arguments turn into drawn out discussions identifying examples of when someone demonstrated this flaw and not spent on identifying resolutions or ways someone can improve. In extreme cases, one becomes so frustrated with the other’s issue that they decide to leave the relationship, completely blind sighting the other. The recently abandoned individual is left to wonder ‘wait, what happened? What did I do?’ and not having an idea of how they can prevent this same thing from happening in the future. Wouldn’t life and relationships be that much easier if we changed the paradigm and offered solutions to solve problems instead of empty complaints?
Due to my repressive nature, I have been one to let my frustrations with someone eat at me until I can’t take it anymore and it comes out at the most inopportune times. You know when you get mad at someone for not wiping the toothpaste out the sink but you’re really just upset at something they did two weeks ago. I’m not the only one am I? Well, I’m making a conscious effort to do better. Thankfully, I’ve had a little help from HR. He went to a management development conference recently and one of the exercises he learned was to get feedback from your employees and let them identify ways that you can improve. Periodically you're supposed to seek feedback on you area of improvement and they are also supposed to give you feedback on a regular basis. One of those you can't complain if you haven't helped come up with a resolution type things. After returning, he decided to take some of the concepts he'd learned and apply them to our relationship. Clever huh?
When he first suggested we do it, I was a bit confused, but I embraced the idea nonetheless. I didn't think it'd be so hard, but I find it easier to give criticism after the fact than upfront. I'm not gonna go into the deets of what we identified as each other's developmental need but I will say that it opened the door for a great conversation. It is comforting to be involved with someone who is willing to put in work to maintain a relationship. Taking this approach definitely puts me in the driver seat. I guess this means no complaining down the road huh? For those of you in relationships, I definitely suggest that you try this with your mate.
2 comments:
Thanks...that is a great idea. But sometimes it's hard to open up and tell him whats on your mind without sounding like you're nagging. Especially when they dont have any complaints about you. Or atleast when you ask you get the nothing, you're great. Why can't men just say what's on their minds? How do you get a man to agree to the monthly rag sessions?
I think taking the approach that it's not an opportunity to attack will ease the fears of it turning into a nagging session. Turning comments into constructive criticism will change how you even voice any concerns. We have a tendency to expect the worst. I know at first I was like, here we go, but I was pleasantly surprised at my area for development. It's not like it's nothing I didn't already know. If you talk about things before it turns into a big deal, the checkpoints won't be a rag session.
When you figure out how to make a man speak his mind...you let me in on that one. Although, I think this was a good way to open the gates.z
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