In case you didn't know already; let me fill you in on a secret about me. Sometimes I get angry about things that don't really upset me. You may think I'm angry for you taking fries off my plate, but I'm really mad that last week you got ketchup on my shirt and didn't apologize. It's a character flaw that I'm trying to work on. Certain people, not calling any names, BFFL, HR, remind me of this- often. I defend myself by saying that I don't fly off the handle when something bothers me, I think about it and maybe I won't be mad about it the next day...but sometimes I am. I was reminded of my fatal flaw recently...
A friend of mine is finally getting married at the end of the month and I told HR about this 2 months ago. You already know where this is going. He has a legitimate work conflict that he was going to try to get out of, but I didn't think it would be a good look that the HR guy is not at the Family Fun Day event that his team plans. When we discuss again and he tells me that he can't escort me to the wedding, I get angry. Makes no sense right? Right. Especially when I told him to go to the work thing. Well, I got salty. For one, why didn't he say anything sooner? For two (is that a real phrase?)...well, this reason has nothing to do with him. It's a case of me having a delayed anger reaction or being bothered about something totally unrelated.
The real reason I'm bothered is because this means I'll be dateless. Who cares right? Normally I don't, but in this case I do. Not because I'll be dancing with no one…but because Andre 3000 will be there. (not really, but that will be his name). Who is Andre? Well, I gave a brief mention in another post, but Andre was a friend of mine that got married and I haven’t heard from since. Not only have I not heard from him since he told me he was engaged, I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I’m not going to lie, I was hurt. I cried. That’s big for me because I’m not big on crying. I was sad that this person who I had on a pedestal for so long was no longer my friend. Apparently, we weren’t as close as he always said we were. Of course there’s more to the story, but maybe another day. I don’t want to have an awkward moment at the wedding. I haven’t spoken to him in over 1.5 years. What do I say? Do I pretend I’m happy to see him? I’m sure his wife will be there…more awkwardness. No thanks.
I was talking to BFFL earlier about her potential encounter with her old boo. She mentioned that she has some questions that are still unanswered and she wants answers. I begin to think about my unanswered questions related to Andre. Mainly: Was our friendship a lie? I told her that sometimes questions will remain and you’ll never have answers. Or the answers won’t be what you want to hear and they’ll just reopen the wounds. Will they really provide any closure? Or will they just leave you with more questions?
Things that make you go hmmm…
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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4 comments:
i had the same andre 3000 situation with one of my good friends from home - we can call him JB. JB and i were really close through high school and college and the next thing i knew, he was engaged and i wasn't invited to the wedding. the kicker was that he called me to tell me he was engaged and he has never called me since! i tried to get over myself by calling JB to congratulate him after his wedding, but never heard back. i think i called twice more, but after no response i just gave up. it was pretty hurtful, but i have just told myself that i am grateful for the memories i have with him and hope he is doing well now - you can't beat yourself up over someone else's actions, you know?
maybe the wedding will be a chance for you guys to strike up your friendship again (i mean, maybe not, but i'm trying to be positive polly here!).
Cubie! *tear* Twinsies!
Yeah, that's great advice. I admit, after the initial conversation and my obligatory congratulations, I haven't called. Apparently he asked a mutual friend if he should invite me and she told him that I was having my housewarming on the same day, so maybe that's why. For the record, my HW was planned before his wedding, I think, but can't be quite sure since I didn't get an invitation. Moving on, I would think that him knowing I had other plans could be an easy out for him...but I guess he's not that smart.
We'll see what happens at the wedding, if I go...
As for Andre 3000....just because the friendship fell apart doesnt mean it was a lie. But I dont believe men and women can be friends. Lets think about it. Most of our male friends a)are trying to get with us b)got with one of our friends c)are gay. Andre no longer fits into these catagories. And out of respect for his new wife, he did the right thing by cutting it off with you. I'm sure you would want your husband to do the same. Dont take it personal. Just something that had to be done. And since Andre knew he would have probably had a fling with you if you let him, why would he invite you to his wedding? out of order.
As for wanting answers from an ex...unless the questions are about how you can improve in relationships, what is there really to ask? it just didnt work out. Guys are not programmed to tell you the hard truths anyway. So even if you ask him you will get bs answers about who did what. It also just seems like you have not moved on. Desperate. Instead of wanting answers from the ex, take a look back at the relationship to see where you can improve and things you could have done differently. Make a "do's and dont's" list to take with you into the next relationship.
-Real Talk
i'll be the jerk and ask the elephant sized question that's standing in the middle of the room. did you and 3stacks have dealings? did you at any point have more than friends' feelings for 3stacks?
for the record, "real talk" is droppin' science.
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