This past Sunday, my pastor spoke about Guilt. He discussed the effects of guilt in your life, why, and how you should release guilt. If I had my sermon notes with me, I would specifically lay out the message, but I don't, so I may have to do that at another time. Please hold me to it. Anyway, I'm going to use this entry as sort of a release. Not to say that I've done anything that's worthy of a confession, but I've been having some things on my mind. Not only has it clouded my mind, but I think it's had an impact on me physically, as the Pastor said guilt typically does. Maybe the sermon was meant to speak to me and encourage me to release what's been on my mind. Because I don't feel like giving too many details right now, I'm going to attempt to explain through an analogy using cars to explain my predicament.
So I have a car. It's not my dream car- hell, I'm not even sure what my dream car is, but it's a good car. When I got it, it had all the features that I wanted- 6-disc changer, leather seats, sunroof, etc. It gets me from point A to point B and although a few nicks and minor bruises have popped up over the past couple of years, I have no major complaints that warrant me to get a new car. Yeah, I would love a hookup for my Ipod to be a part of the car and not require an after-market accessory, nor does it have a navigation system, but for now I can live without these things.
Next thing you know, I'm minding my business and I happen to ride by a dealership and see a nice new model BMW (black man waiting) that catches my eye. I'm not even in the market for a new car, but something about this BMW catches my eye. Since I'm not trying to take on any more debt, I keep it moving, at least at first. Instead of being smart and taking a new route to avoid this dealership, I take the same route thinking that my will can be stronger than my desire to learn more about this car. Not exactly smart, I know.
One day I decide to make a stop at the dealership. I'm a qualified buyer, so the salesman is all over me and telling me all the great features of the BMW. The more I hear, the more I like. I should stop listening, but I can't help it. I'm being sucked in by all the features. It has the Ipod connection, the satellite radio, seemingly all the things that my present car doesn't have. I think the salesman can sense my interest has peaked, so he tries to start asking the questions that he should've asked upfront and get me to start the financing process. It's hard for me to be rude, so I answer his questions. What brings you to the dealership today? I don't know. Do you currently own a car? Yes. Are you happy with your car? Yeah, it's cool. Are you in the market for a new car? Not really. Hmm, his face has a look of confusion, he's probably thinking "why is she here?" Instead of letting this discourage him, he starts the full court press to try to get me to move closer to striking a deal.
*Pause*
At this point, my mind is racing. Tons of questions are forming in my mind. The salesman is talking, I'm not really listening because I'm too bogged down by my own thoughts. What am I doing here at the dealership looking at this car when I know I don't need to take on any debt and there's nothing wrong with my old car? Would I even be looking at this new BMW if my car was all that? Am I being unfair to my old car by not even trying to fix the nicks and minor bruises I've chosen to ignore? Is it fate that I took this new route and saw this new car?
The only thing I know is that everything that glitters ain't gold and this car may very well have it's issues under the hood that have yet to be discovered. It could even be a lemon. My car has been dependable, but does this mean I can't look at other cars? Am I in denial of my desire to get another car?
So many questions, not enough answers...Thoughts?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
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2 comments:
First of all, I commend you for finally growing a pair. The fact that you were open to express this is quasi major. Very well written.
As for your metaphor, I offer the following tidbits.
(1) It's the winter. While driving around, make sure that your windshield is clear of ice, slush or any other residue from the road that may impair your vision. Sometimes, especially at night, it's hard to see. Might misjudge and runover the median while trying to make a left turn.
(2) In my limited years of driving, I've learn one thing: they don't stop making cars. Even with the current industry constraints, automakers continue to release new models or revamp previous models. It is our innate human desire to always want more. Greed is part of our makeup. Hence, the reason the economy is the way it is. We want more, regardless of the conditions. Why do you think superstars buy so many cars?!? Even with the hottest car, two things can happen..our desires can change and/or the maker comes out with a new model, with a new build the features. And what we do?!? Go straight to the dealership. Solution: We can't ignore our natural disposition, but if we are aware of it, we can control it..if we so choose. Or we can continue to attempt to satisfy the insatiable. The choice is yours.
(3) Old car, new car. It all depends on where you're at in life really. A new car is a liability. Yeh, it may come w/ all the new features and smell but it also comes w/ a new note, new conditions, new term, new interest rate, etc. An old car has ties and nostalgic value. The roadtrips you took in her, the smell that is a culmination of the "makings of you", the bumper stickers that represent what you stand for, the money and labor that you put into it to make sure it sustained throughout the years. Most importantly, its paid off. Every month, you have the peace of knowing that the only thing you really have to be prepared for is an occasional repair job. Like any car, it depreciates over time. So, at some point in time, the owner has to re-evaluate whether the money required to repair is justifiable based on the car's current value. Most people reference kelley's blue book (**clears his throat** ironic, dontcha think?) to obtain the value. From there, it is the owner's decision of whether to continue to invest for the sake of keeping the car that they've grown to know and love vs. trading it in for a new, shiny stunnermobile. Depending on where you are in life, the thrill of satisfying that urge may be more important than riding 'till the wheels fall off.
Ok, I'm spent...best wishes, in your search.
Excuse my delayed response...hell I'm still on the lot test driving. Well not literally, I'd like to so I'm just looking.
Anyway, Toots, you know what you really want. We all do. Intuition is God's way of reaching us- especially as women. You are not indebted to your car, you have the title(no pun intended) and maybe it's time for a sale. OR the new car is a lemon and just sparkles because the current one isn't all of what you want. OR you could let them both go and proceed to a new dealership.
For your health, I'd suggest you take a break from your car, let him rest in the driveway. And as for the dealership, go another way home for a while. The clarity you will receive by just breathing will reveal the answer you already have within.
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